How Thinking I Was Going Blind Heightened My Spiritual Awakening

Everything that happens to you is happening for your greatest good.

That statement helped me get through a recent health scare.

One morning I woke up with no vision in my right eye.

To put it mildly, I was scared shitless: I went to bed one night seeing perfectly fine and the next morning it was cloud city.

It felt like I had a layer of fog covering my eye obstructing my vision.

Like with many unforeseen dilemmas in life, the mind did what it does so well: it dove head-first into crisis mode imagining all the worst-case scenarios.

When I went to the doctor they tested the vision of my right eye by asking me to read what I saw on the screen.

You know that giant letter “E” commonly seen on eye charts?

It was just a black blob floating among a sea of clouds.

Then they decided to run some more tests and told me they found something on my left eye as well.

Now I really lost it.

I felt like I was going completely blind.

Not to sound dramatic but for a few minutes, it felt like my life was forever changing.

At one point while I was nervously waiting to get the diagnosis from the doctor, I remember turning to my wife and saying “I can’t recall being this scared in my entire adult life.”

It turned out (surprisingly) they found a pretty advanced cataract on my right eye and one coming on strong on my left.

Thankfully, I was able to get the first one removed with surgery and now I am seeing better than I ever have.

The Realness of Feeling You’re In A Nightmare

In hindsight now that everything turned out well, it’s easy for me to judge my initial reaction by saying that I jumped to conclusions and unnecessarily put myself into a state of fear.

That might be true but it doesn’t take away the realness of that fear in that exact moment and how crippling it feels to think your life might be forever changing.

Thinking you’re in a nightmare whether real or imagined doesn’t feel any less bit scary.

I’ve heard people who have battled challenging illnesses or were close to dying talk about how when they received their bleak diagnosis nothing else seemed to matter.

They had a moment in which all the trials and tribulations, inconveniences, and minuscule stuff we all endlessly complain about felt so insignificant.

I’d be lying if I said these thoughts didn’t go through my mind.

Even after having successful surgery that gave me what feels like a brand new set of eyes, I keep replaying that momentary experience of feeling like my world was collapsing around me to try and find the meaning behind it.

It left me wondering the following existential questions:

1. Is every near crisis a check-in from the Universe to see if we’ve been taking life for granted or too seriously? Is the Universe constantly sending us reminders throughout our journey that life and health are precious, not guaranteed, and can diminish or go away at any time?
2. Are we here as spiritual beings having this physical experience merely to get beyond our physical bodies and five senses? In my situation, I actually pondered for a few minutes what it would be like to live with limited or no vision. Was forgoing my physical sense of sight a means for me to grow closer with my true essence, my spirit? And become more attune with my spiritual senses?
3. Are health scares and the sudden awareness of our own mortality just a reminder that most of the stuff we deal with in life and expend our energy on doesn’t matter? And all that really matters is the present moment you have right now, being fully aware of it, and spending it with the ones you love?

Why Must Our Bodies Fail Us?

Behind these questions I found my biggest ones of all:

Why are physical illness and deteriorating health part of our journey as spiritual beings having our human experience?

Why must we experience growing older in our bodies and witness parts of it break down?

In my case, there was no “good” medical or physiological explanation as to why I had cataracts in both of my eyes in my 30s other than luck of the draw and genetics.

I understand why we experience pain and suffering emotionally and mentally along our journey and how these struggles help us as spirits grow.

But why as spiritual beings going through this journey of having a physical experience, do we need to experience physical suffering?

Our Greatest Fear May Not Be Death

Physical suffering in our bodies in many ways is more frightening than death itself.

Many of us can accept death as part of our journey and don’t fear it nearly as much as we do illness and disease especially if it’s from natural causes.

Death, if it happens quietly and painlessly we can wrap our heads around it as a natural transition of our energy moving to its next phase.

There’s a quality of peaceful elegance to it.

Whereas, the thought of living in failing health and physical impairment shakes us to the bone — because what our mind really fears is suffering and having to live with that suffering permanently.

Life is Precious Might Be Our Best Answer

The truth is we may never fully have all these answers.

All we can do is to try to find solace in that statement I opened with:

Everything that happens to you is happening for your greatest good.

I know that may seem nearly impossible to do when you’re in the thick of what feels like a nightmare.

But the one thing I can take away from the experience with my eye is the constant reminder that every day is a gift, life is precious, and is not meant to be taken so dam seriously.

Yes, we all have these ideas down intellectually and they sure make for a good meme on social media… but as a species, we’re still trying to figure out how to live by them.

Because as scary as it sounds, at any time something unexpected can happen that shatters our world.

A health issue can crop up for you or a loved one.

A family member can pass away.

Every time we get into a car we’re pretty much taking our lives into our hands.

In the blink of an eye, something can happen to remind you of your own mortality, how finite and precious your physical body is, and how insignificant and meaningless all the annoyances and inconveniences you experience truly are.