Sessions With Self: All Forgiveness is Self-Forgiveness

Sessions With Self: Volume 4

Forgiveness is a Lifelong Process That Starts With Yourself.

One of my close friends is getting married in a few weeks. He mentioned that an old mutual friend I haven’t seen in years is going to the wedding and will be sitting at my table.

However, this is not some ordinary old friend, it’s someone I was close with for many years, but after several falling outs and growing apart, I decided to call it quit on our friendship many years ago.

After learning I will see him in a few weeks, I started to feel anxious about it, but I wasn’t exactly sure why.

In my mind, I had put that part of my life and our relationship behind me.

So why was this bothering me?

The easy answer would be the sheer discomfort and awkwardness of not just seeing him but having to sit at the same table with him. I don’t care if it’s your own mother — seeing anyone for the first time after being estranged from them is never easy.

But I knew it had to be more than this, especially since I went from excitement to dread when thinking about this wedding. So I knew I had to get to the bottom of these feelings.

A few days later, while in my morning meditation, it came to me plain and simple:

I still have anger towards him.

Duh!

It was as if the Universe was telling me:

“Hold on there fella. You have a bit more letting go to do. There’s still some more forgiving to do.”

And that’s the real kicker with forgiveness…

We are never done forgiving.

Forgiveness is a lifelong process. Just like you never reach a point in which you are done meditating or exercising your body, you never stop having to forgive. Unless you are a Buddha, everyone has to keep forgiving.

It doesn’t get easier. It just gets deeper.

Like in meditation or mindfulness practice, taming the mind to relax and be still can always feel like a challenge, but in time you learn to go deeper in your practice.

The same goes for forgiveness: breaking down the mind’s fortress of self-preservation is never easy, but our job is to keep coming back to forgiveness in order to open our hearts even more.

A powerful insight on forgiveness during EFT

Recently, I started learning EFT tapping. This week I took part in a group tap, and the theme for the session was coincidentally forgiveness. As I was tapping away on my chest while repeating the prompts from the instructor, an insight was whispered to me and echoed through my heart:

All forgiveness is self-forgiveness.

I’m not sure where I first heard this piece of wisdom, but at that moment, it never resonated more deeply.

My heart implored:

In order to forgive others, I must forgive myself.
If I forgive myself in one fell swoop, I can forgive anyone and everyone.
Even the slightest resentment towards anyone, even the most insignificant person, is really anger and resentment towards myself.

As I continued tapping, I asked: What do I need to forgive myself for?

My inner child screamed:

“Why am I not good enough?”
“It’s not fair — why am I not the most popular, the most talented, the best athlete, the best looking…?”

The insights kept coming:

I am able to tap into this innocent little boy within me to release judgment and anger towards others.
This little boy has the love within needed to heal myself and forgive others.
The little boy just wants to be loved and accepted.
I can love and accept myself, and I can then love and accept all others.
I can forgive myself, and I can then forgive all others.
I can heal myself, and I then can heal myself.

These insights at that moment never felt more true: all anger, bitterness, and uneasiness with anyone starts and ends with me.

My takeaways from this experience

This pending encounter with my former friend is not about any potential interaction with him or our past history. Instead, it serves as a simple reminder of how vital and sacred forgiveness is as part of the spiritual path.
Even more vital is that we never stop forgiving: the same people, events, and past memories. Over and over again, we must realize when our heart has hardened and when we are creating separation.
Even when you think past issues remain dead and buried, think again. Traces of resentment can live long within us. One of our jobs throughout our physical lives is to work to clear our slate of all negativity and resentment.
Start that clearing process with yourself. In my heart, I know once you can heal yourself and accept yourself fully, all suffering and discomfort with others will vanish.

I am grateful to my soul for reminding me of this. It’s clear I have a lot more work to do.

On Forgiveness from Rumi, Buddha, and God

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else — you are the one who gets burned.” — Gautama Buddha
“I have sent you nothing but angels.” — God to Neale Donald Walsch

All Forgiveness is Self-Forgiveness

Anthony V. Lombardo