How To Stop Chasing Validation And Be Your Authentic Self

How To Stop Performing And Start Being Your Most Authentic Self

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Over two thousand years ago, Lao Tzu wrote:

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

Yet, today, we do the opposite.

We try to earn respect. We chase validation. We shape ourselves into what we think will make others admire us.

But the more you try to become someone worthy of respect, the further you move away from your true self—the only version of you that can actually receive it.

We’ve all seen it happen.

The one who speaks just a little too loudly, trying to impress, only to feel invisible.
The artist who follows all the “rules,” yet their work lacks the fire of something truly alive.
The online guru who waters down their message, only to become one of many voices lost in the crowd.

I know this paradox well.

When I first started as a writer and meditation guide, I was constantly measuring myself against others.

I looked at the most successful meditation teachers online and wondered if I’d ever be as good as them. I studied the formulas, the best practices, the strategies. I thought if I just followed the right steps, I’d find my way.

But with every rule I adopted, I felt less connected to my own voice.

Instead of writing from what felt true, I was writing from what I thought would work.

Instead of trusting my own instincts, I was trying to mirror someone else’s.

And something about my work felt flat. Like it was missing something.

It was missing me.

The real me.

And if I kept looking outside myself for all the answers to success, I’d never uncover what was uniquely mine to offer.

This is the paradox of being your proverbial “authentic, natural self” that often escapes us:

Real confidence and being yourself isn’t about becoming more or adding something new—it’s about letting go of everything that feels false. It’s like chiseling away at a block of stone—not to create something new, but to reveal what was always inside.

Michelangelo, perhaps history’s greatest sculptor, embodied this idea as an artist when he said:

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

You are not something to be constructed. You are something to be revealed.

So the real question isn’t: How can I be better?

It’s: What will I set free?

What angel is waiting beneath the weight of all you were told to be? What truth is hidden beneath the layers of conditioning, comparison, and self-doubt?

The more you strip away what is false, the more undeniable you become.

Stop Seeking. Start Being.

There is no strategy for this. Only a quiet, steady return to yourself.

1. Notice when you’re performing instead of being.

Are you speaking, creating, or acting from truth? Or from a desire to be admired?

2. Pause before seeking validation.

Would you still say or do this if no one was watching?

3. Detach from comparison.

Instead of asking, “How can I be as good as them?” ask, “What is mine to say, do, create, or share?”

Remember, Lao Tzu’s words: “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

Because respect isn’t something you chase. It’s what flows toward those who are fully themselves.

So let go. Strip away the false self. Carve until you set the angel free.

Ready to live from the most powerful version of you?

My 10-lesson course, The Identity Shifting Morning Practice, guides you through a daily embodiment system to help you rewire your subconscious, regulate your nervous system, and start each day as the person you know you’re meant to be.

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