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Anthony V. Lombardo
Anxiety and Stress Relief

The Ultimate Guide To The Havening Techhnique To Demolish Stress, Anxiety, and Fear

written by

Anthony V. Lombardo


woman smiling from comfort of doing the havening technique.

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    This scientifically-proven technique is the ultimate SOS tool for instant relief.

    Imagine at the gentle stroke of your arm or cheek that you could demolish anxiety and feel deliciously relaxed.

    And it was backed by science?

    This is possible through one of my favorite wellness techniques called Havening.

    What is Havening?

    Havening is part of a collection of alternative therapies for reducing anxiety and stress known as Psychosensory Therapies. If you think about the name “Havening,” it’s based on the idea that we are finding a safe haven within ourselves, creating a place of safety and shelter within our bodies.

    Here is its basic premise:

    By repeatedly touching or caressing certain parts of the body and moving your eyes laterally while reciting or listening to constructive messaging, or thinking or visualizing something pleasurable immediately makes you feel calm, relaxed, and less stressed.

    Let’s break it down.

    The Science of Havening

    On a neurological level, Havening uses self-soothing to induce “amygdala depotentiation,” which essentially means reining in and retraining the emotional part of the brain that kicks us into fight-or-flight mode and causes anxiety. This “depotentiation” rewires unhealthy neural pathways that developed due to past stressful experiences, wiring healthier responses and emotions in their place.

    Here’s how it happens.

    • Delta Brain Waves: By gently touching the upper arms, hands, or face and moving your eyes laterally produces a massive amount of relaxing, slow-frequency delta waves in the brain.
    • Oxytocin: These patterns of touch also flood the brain with oxytocin, most commonly known as the love or bonding hormone, and most typically is triggered by hugging.
    • Instant Relief and Calm: As a result, the combination of the delta waves and the oxytocin automatically generates feelings of calm in the body.

    Love Yourself Like A Baby

    The interesting thing about Havening is that these patterns of touch are natural to us and literally hard-wired in us since we were infants. When we were all babies our mothers cradled us in their arms to comfort us. Or maybe you have children of your own, and when they are upset, you naturally use your physical touch to soothe and comfort them. Or if someone around you is not feeling well or going through a hard time, you might rub their shoulders or pat them on the top of their back. These gestures of touch are instinctive for helping others feel safe and grounded. So why not use them on ourselves?

    The Ultimate SOS Tool

    What makes Havening even more of a superpower is using it while experiencing trauma or anxiety in the moment. During these trying times, our brain is racing, producing very high-frequency gamma waves and releasing stress chemicals like cortisol. But by regularly practicing Havening for the same trauma, phobia, or stressor, we begin retraining the brain to produce those calm, relaxing delta waves instead of gamma and to associate the production of oxytocin with stressful events. It literally alters the landscape of your brain chemistry, and in turn, you begin to feel calmer in situations of anxiety or when you think of something unpleasant.

    This is why Havening is tremendously effective for healing past trauma and is used widely to treat veterans with PTSD.

    The Havening Technique

    As mentioned, the three basic parts of Havening include

    1. Havening Touch

    • Caressing the sides of the back of your arms: Rubbing in a back-and-forth motion from right under your shoulder to right before your elbow
    • Gently caressing your cheeks like you would a baby.
    • Rubbing your palms together.

    2. Eye Movement

    Moving your eyes laterally from left to right

    3. Visualization

    Visualizing something good or repeating constructive affirmations.

    When combined together all of these make up a complete Havening practice. However, the Havening touch is a powerful tool to do by itself for alleviating stress. It is also very useful as a means to get relaxed when doing any type of meditation or hypnotic practice.

    Full Havening Practice For Instant Anxiety Relief

    Below is a sample practice for using Havening to alleviate in-the-moment stress, anxiety, and even anger.

    1. Think of something in your life causing you stress or anxiety.

    It could be a memory from the past that haunts you. Anything that is blocking you or causing you to be unhappy

    2. Recall a time when you experienced this problem or issue.

    Relive the unpleasant feelings and activate the anxiety. Try to get those unpleasant feelings really high so you can feel them. Try to get uncomfortable with them

    3. Rub your arms up and down.

    Start just below your shoulders and gently rub to just above your elbows and continue. Not too hard and not too soft. Do it in a rhythm and speed that feels best for you. Think of it like you are comforting yourself.

    4. Imagine the negative energy leaving your body.

    As you keep rubbing your arms and experiencing these uncomfortable feelings, imagine all of this anxiety and unpleasantness is flowing out of your body, dripping out of you like toxic liquid onto the floor.

    5. Think of the most beautiful place on earth.

    As you keep applying the touch to your arms, imagine you are walking through the most beautiful place you have ever seen. Bring to mind these gorgeous surroundings. Visualize in your mind everything you would experience and notice if you were taking this walk through this beautiful place.

    6. Start counting to 20

    As you continue the visualization while stroking the sides of your arms, start counting out loud from 1 to 20.

    7. Eye movement

    When you get to 20, keep rubbing your arms, open your eyes, and begin moving them laterally from left to right. Do this for at least 20 seconds. (You can count in your head).

    8. Add in mantras

    At any time while you are rubbing your arms, begin reciting simple mantras or affirmations. You can recite the words: “calm and relaxed,” “hopeful and peaceful,” “safe and at home,” or “pain-free.”

    9. Repeat steps 5–7

    Do another round of stroking your arms while visualizing being in a beautiful place for a count of 20. Then add in the lateral eye movements for another count of 20 while reciting some mantras.

    10. Gauge how you feel

    Keep doing this until you feel that you have significantly reduced your unpleasant feelings or eradicated them altogether.

    In summary:

    1. Recall a stressor or unpleasant memory.
    2. Rub arms, palms, or cheeks (using Havening touch).
    3. Create a distraction by visualizing something pleasant and counting.
    4. Move your eyes left and right to produce delta waves.
    5. Recite comforting mantras or affirmations.

    Havening Use Cases

    Besides using Havening to heal trauma and during heightened states of anxiety, here are more ways to use it.

    Before delivering a work presentation or a job interview

    Just close your eyes, and apply the Havening touch while you visualize the presentation or interview going well.

    Working on a specific life challenge

    For example, if you struggle with confidence, you can use Havening to initially recall memories when you were unconfident. Feel the unpleasantness and anxiety, and then go right into the touch patterns to delink those memories and events from the feeling of being unconfident.

    In your meditation or manifesting practice

    Using the Havening touch is one of my favorite ways to get relaxed and springboard into a deep state of meditation. And it never fails.

    The best use of all?

    Do this technique as a regular practice.

    No matter what you use it for, Havening is quick, easy to do, and highly reliable to make you feel better. It’s the best bang for your buck wellness technique that you’ll find. Pick any challenging situation or struggle you have in your life or something making you unhappy, and use this technique on it every day.

    Spend a few minutes each day just to do the Havening touch. That alone will create immense benefits in your life. Stroke your arms or caress your cheeks and approach it like you are comforting a baby. Except you’re that baby, and you deserve to be loved, cared for, and gently rocked back to safety.

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